RANT: Andy Rooney Hates Poor People

OK, not really, but that will grab your attention, right? In last night's 60 Minutes Andy Rooney segment, the living legend of the obvious goes off on a tirade on how George Bush has 433 assistants working at the White House. That's not quite so out of reach- I mean, think of the U.S. as a corporation serving the 300-some million people that live in the U.S. I don't think it's so far gone to think the CEO would have 433 assistants. I bet Oprah has 900 easy.

Anyways, AR then goes on to make fun of people's titles, which I admit is humorous. But then he makes fun of how much these people are making for what they are doing. For instance, he points out that a Correspondence Analyst only makes 30K/year, then jokes that he must only read post cards. I bet the Correspondence Analyst is the most hard working guy in the office, considering how much hate mail he must get. Then he derides the fact that there is even an "Ethical Advisor" to the president, saying that since he's the prez he must know what's what. RIGHT. That has been the hallmark of Bush, or any other president's, legacy. All the ethically correct decisions they made.

Ah, Rooney. When will you retire and end my personal hell knowing that someone pays YOU to do YOUR job?!

RANT: Sign of the End?

RANT: I woke up to a scary thought this morning- Anna Nicole Smith and Brittney Spears both gave birth this week. Is this a sign of the Apocolypse? I'm pretty sure that Revelations listed this as one of the Four Hoursemen, right after Bush becoming the U.S. President and Clay Aiken being appointed to a presidential committee.

RAVE: Some People Have Goals

So I was scanning the "offbeat" news section on CNN, because lets face it, it's the best part of the whole site, when I saw this article.Usually this is the kind of thing I would make fun of mercilessly (like your beard is going to help anybody find Osama Bin Ladin), but something put my sarcasm on hold (gasp!) and think about it. This guy has a goal, he has matsy, stick-to-it-iveness, whatever you want to call it. This guy is dedicated. In all honestly he may have just wanted an excuse not to shave and thought the Bin Laden thing was a good one to hedge your bets against, but still. The guy made a decision and he's showing everybody that he's not going to conform to society until some event X happens. I can admire that.

So here's to you, Mr. Gary Weddle. Here's to you and your beard.

RANT: The Air Force Cares

Let me begin this rant by listing a few givens. 1) I know the Air Force really doesn't care 2) I'm sure these sort of things happen all the time, probably in the form of "Internal Memos re: test wartime devices on American public", but I love that it is actually on CNN. Apparently the Air Force cares about protecting foreign combatants so much that they wouldn't actually want to use any weapons on them if they wouldn't actually use it on us., because it wouldn't look good in the world press. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/12/usaf.weapons.ap/index.html. Well, um. YEAH. You know some thoughts are better in your head than actually articulated on CNN.

RANT: New Bra Trends?

Apparently there is a new trend in celebrity/fashion bras I had no idea existed. Is there even a name for this? I call it "the trapeze artist".

RAVE: Someone Else Agrees About Steve Irwin

RAVE: my husband showed me a recent post on an awesome new blog I've just discovered- www.calacanis.com- about how the Discovery Channel killed Steve Irwin. Thank god someone else pointed out the similarities between Steve Irwin and the Grizzly Man (Tim Treadwell).

Also, I loved an article about how Germaine Greeer was being publicly taunted because she said what a lot of people were thinking- that Steve Irwin was horrible to animals and his death (while I do think is sad, and I am sorry for his family), is not such a surprise.

RANT: Bush to Hire Clay Aiken

RANT: in another brilliant move by President Bush, he has decided to hire Clay Aiken to head up the President's Committee on People with Intellectual Disabilities. Hmmm. Too many jokes here to think straight. Apparently Clay was chosen because in his pre-Idol days he was a counselor at a YMCA. I think it was great that he was a counselor and this is obviously a chance to do some good, but is Clay Aiken, American Idol's second season runner-up really qualified to head up a President's Committee? So when is Bush going to hire Paula Abdul to head up logistics in Iraq? She did coreography once. Or Simon to design all the new military uniforms. He has a crewcut.

RAVE: Freedom of Expression

Aren't you glad we live in America where we can say whatever we want? It's a beautiful thing.

RAVE: Pro-Pluto Protest Draws... 50 people in NM

RAVE: Looks like the good people of New Mexico have finally read my blog entry about Pluto getting dissed and are up in arms as they should be. All 50 of them. I would actually LOVE to see a protest that was about such an academic/intellectual thing- the downsizing of a planet to a dwarf. I mean, these are people who choose to go out and protest in the hot summer in New Mexico, not about immigration or civil rights, but about Pluto.

I do take issue with the protesters saying that Clyde Tombaugh, the discoverer of Pluto, was an "American hero, and for that reason alone Pluto's status as a planet should be kept." That's a bit of a stretch. He was obviously a smart guy and helped out New Mexico State University quite a bit by starting up their astronomy department. But probably not an American hero. I like to save those titles for people who might have died saving a baby from a burning building.

I do want one of the shirts that says "Size Doesn't Matter". That's awesome.

Pluto Protesters, I salute you!

RANT: Croc Hunter Bites the Big One

RANT:
Is it sad that Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter" is dead? Yes. A surprise? No. I'm just shocked it didn't happen earlier. Sort of like my other favorite outdoor documentary filmmaker/wildlife psycho, the Grizzly Man. I'm more shocked that they lasted as long as they did. Or, as my husband said, "Crikey!"

RAVE: The Zen State of Nothingness

RAVE: if you have ever quit a job with a really horrible boss, you know exactly how I am feeling right now. Lighter than air, happier than a kid at Christmas, almost a little intoxicated at the thought of new possibilities and free afternoons. But most importantly, free from the chain around your ankle that was calling you a loser and screaming at you day in and out. The insecurity of unemployment isn't yet clawing at my throat, tugging at my brain and telling me to get on the ball. Instead, I am breathing the air of a free woman who will be no one's whipping girl. Today, I am Sluggo saying "no" to the world and breathing in the fresh coolness of freedom.

RANT: Pluto Gets the Big Diss

I know this is probably considered old news by now, but Pluto has been dissed by the cool kids at school and made to sit at a different lunch table than all the "classical" planets. Now Pluto has to go hang his head in shame and eat lunch with the other "dwarf" planets. Daaaaaaamn thats cold.

I'm all for the evolution of science, but I just don't think it's fair to play around with Pluto like that. You give him props, tell him he's a real planet, and then one day just up and decide that its oblong orbit intercepts with Neptune, so he's out of the club. If anybody should be getting the boot it should be Uranus. Am I right? He's the but of every 8-year-olds' joke.

And it's not like all the cool kids have a consensus of what makes a planet a real planet. Almost a week ago at a "cool-kid party" (read: scientific convention of interplanetary nerds) they almost voted to re-affirm Pluto as a planet, add Pluto's homeboy Moon as a planet, and some other kids in his possee, too.

So make up your minds! What kind of a pseudo science goes around voting about what consitutes the definition of something like a friggin' planet? And cut Pluto a break. He's gotten pantsed in front of the classical planets and is feeling more than a little embarassed right now.

Religious Weirdness Update: Apocalypse Now?

Apparently someone thinks that the Chocolate Virgin Mary I blogged about on Friday is really a sign of The End of Times. I've heard that Revelations was written in code, but I never knew that the Four Hoursemen actually meant a chocolate-dripping statute in the likeness of the Virgin Mary. Who knew? Thanks to boingboing for the post.

In other religious icon news, Hindu statues are drinkng milk from people's hands in India. See the Forbes report. Religious pilgrims are flocking to see Shiva, Ganesha and Durga sip milk from believers' hands at the temples. This isn't the first time that the gods have been thirsty- in 1995 almost the exact same thing happened (see the wikipedia article). The phenomenon is called the Hindu Milk Miracle. However, scientists say that the milk drinking is physics, not miracles, are at work. Apparently cold stones, like marble, can absorb liquids through surface tension and capillary action, much the way a tree can absorb water. I never made good grades in physics, but that sounds plausible enough of an explanation. I however would rather believe in milk-drinking statutes. It goes down so well with a chocolate Virgin Mary.

The Chocolate Virgin Mary: Religious and Delicious (and Other Chocolate News)

Why can't Protestants have anything nearly as cool as this happen? I love it when Catholics find images of the Virgin Mary in things like toast, trees, and chocolate. I guess Martin Luther or John Wesley would be much harder to spot in a potato chip than the Virgin Mary. How many Protestant relics have I eaten and not even known it? Here's a link to the story on CNN.

In other chocolate news, a man in Wisconsin got stuck waist-deep in a vat of chocolate at the Kenosha company. Firefighters and police had to show up to rescue him after his inept coworkers couldn't get him out. Call me crazy, but I know what Homer Simpson would do in that situation. Maybe the plant should pass out bracelets that say "WWHSD" instead of "WWJD". Thanks to WTOP for the story.

John Mark Karr: Crazy or JonBenet Killer?

So for the past two days, America has been transported ten years back in time to the JonBenet Ramsey murder. I myself am an avid true-crime fan and remember the media circus that her murder caused. Exposes of child beauty pagents, series on pedophiles and the suspicion of the Ramsey family- Mom, Dad, and brother included- dominated the news.

John Mark Karr is obviously a bona-fide kiddie-porn freak, who "fled" the US after being arrested on child pornography charges to Thailand. Come on, people, who flees to Thailand except for people looking for 6-year-old hookers? He just seems like a nutso who was fascinated by the child star murder. And, being the pedophile that he is, obsessed over it, researched it, and talked about. Apparently he eventually reached out to talk to the Colorado University journalism professor who eventually turned their emails over to the Boulder police. But it does seem a little strange that ten years later someone would just confess, especially when he was supposedly in Alabama when it occured in December 1996. He also said that he drugged her before he raped her although her autopsy revealed no toxins/drugs in her system.

He seems just like a pervert looking for some attention or a book deal. I will be interested, however, to see if the press ever releases the supposed "details" that were not known to the public about her case.

USA Today, 8/14/06, Reports "Field of Dreams"

I am ashamed to admit it, but I was reading the front page section of USA Today on Monday. If it makes you feel better, I was trapped on a plane for 3 hours and there wasn't much else to do. Someone else had already abandoned it in the terminal, so it's not like I bought (and therefore financially supported) the 2nd worst paper in the country. In case you are wondering, the 1st place spot goes to the bastion of right-wing conservative reportage, The Washington Times.

Actually taking up room on page 3A is the article "5,000 flock to 'Field of Dreams': Fans Gather to See Film on Original Set." USA Today does not hide their hard-hitting news stories of national significance in the back, no sir. Direct from Dyersville, Iowa the Associated Pres reports further on my blog entry detailing the NetFlix Roadshow and Kevin Costner's first trip back to Iowa since he made the movie in 1989.

The most interesting thing about the article, besides the picture of Kevin Costner rocking out after the show (above, only available online, the printed version is him pitching to some local kids) is that the population of Dryersville has increased by 300 since the movie was filmed.

How awful was his performance with his as-of-yet unnamed band that it wasn't even mentioned by the AP? Or did they cut out early to catch flights somewhere more interesting? And in case you were wondering, the main "economic engines" of the town are agriculture and tourism.

RANT: A New Professional Low

Okay, I thought about just posting this picture and saying "My boss: need I say more?" . But actually I do need to say more. I'm the kind of person who has to publicly talk about my humiliations. And today, I have reached a new professional low. My boss actually called me a loser today. And then she made an "L" shape on her forehead, which I seriously haven't seen anybody do since about 1991.

What makes it worse is that I was coming to the defense of my beloved Glenn Hollis. During a meeting with a coworker and my boss in her office, I commented on how she was playing 97.1 WASH FM during the work hours. "WASH at work!". Then my coworker said how much she liked WASH and their penchant for playing the BeeGees. So of course I mentioned how pissed off I was that they took Glenn Hollis off the air and put on that stupid cunt Delilah. (OK, I didn't actually say "cunt"). Then my boss laughs at me, calls me a LOSER for listening to Glenn Hollis, does the L thing on her forehead, and goads my coworker into calling me a loser too.

"Can you believe that? Can you? Isn't she a loser?" To her credibility, my coworker didn't cave and said she understand my Glenn Hollis addition. I am just having a real difficulty coming to terms with the fact that my boss called me a loser to my face. What makes it worse is that she recently saw The Devil Wears Prada, and went on and on about what a horrible boss Meryl Streep was. Really? Really! The only good thing I can say about my boss right now is that she hasn't made me find the unpublished Harry Potter book of the moment for her non-existant children. Although tomorrow is another day.

RAVE: Movin' On Up...To The East Side...

On Friday night my hubby and I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood (Columbia Heights) to see the progression of the planned Target/Best Buy on 14th Street. On the way, we discovered that we must be living in a hole, because the area around the metro looked like it had completely sprung up overnight. Next to the Giant, the Carvel Ice Cream had opened, along with a Latin restaurant called Rumba, which the sign described as a "restaurant/art/bar". It looked tres chic inside, with mood lighting, a large bar, and plush chairs filled with diners enjoying all sorts of tasty looking things. We also saw a T-Mobile store and a Ruby Tuesdays, which was all set and ready to go but for the liquor license hearing notice hanging in the window. Click here for all the updates and goings-on about Columbia Heights development. Also, from the makers of The Ellington on U St., comes a new condo/retail development about a block from our house.

But seriously, how the hell could a Ruby Tuesdays spring up not 5 blocks from our house without us knowing? It literally looked like it had just fallen from the sky, completely constructed and furnished, onto the corner of 14th and Monroe.

Most people probably wouldn't be excited about a Ruby Tuesdays popping up in their neighborhood- or eagerly watch the construction of a Target for that matter- but for a couple of crazy kids like us who bought a house hoping that the whisperings of development would actually occur, this is truly exciting. There are some people that are angry about "mom and pop" stores disappearing from the American landscape due to stores like a Ruby Tuesdays or a Target, and normally I would agree. However, when all that was there before was a vacant lot and a few dilapidated liquor stores, those bits of corporate Americana are a welcome sight.

RAVE: Stefan Fatsis and Melissa Block are Married

OK, old news maybe, but news to me! Stefan Fatsis, the author of Word Freak (my new obsession) is married to one of NPR's hosts of All Things Considered, Melissa Block. So basically two of my weird eccentricities have combined: Scrabble and NPR. This is basically the nerd world's equivalent of Brangalina. But it's more like Stefissa. Doesn't quite sound as sexy, does it? I can't even imagine what the dinner conversation must be like in that house...I would love to be a fly on the wall.

Stefan: Today I memorized all of the 9 letter bingos that contain an E, M and an X.
Melissa: In world news today, fighting continued in Beruit...

And, even more exciting, they live in Washington DC. I won't say where it is, but lets just say that Word Freak must have been a big hit on the New York Time's Best Seller List, because I don't think that NPR pays that kind of green. It is public radio, after all.

Kevin Costner? Live? Are You Kidding?

So it is a little slow (more than a little) at work today, and perusing the net came up with this interesting tidbit: NetFlix has organized a "Rolling Roadshow" which features 10 movies being shown at the site of their original filming. Sounds like an interesting idea, but the most that msn.com got from this is that Kevin Costner will be returning to Dryersville, Iowa, where Field of Dreams was filmed. I don't know how many people live in Iowa, and I don't want to know, but I am guessing that this is the biggest thing to have happen in Iowa since they filmed Field of Dreams in 1989.

Apparently the other "draw" to this event (like Kevin Costner isn't enough to make any bored Iowans day), is that after the screening the big KC himself will perform with his yet unnamed band. A direct quote, people. I know that it's Iowa, but come on- you know everybody's going to be sneaking out during the credits to avoid hearing Kevin Costner sing.

The most interesting of the NetFlix roadshow series includes:
1) an August 8th screening of "Clerks" in Red Bank, NJ, where Kevin Smith will host a Q&A before the show. Nice, my personal fave.
2) an August 10th screening of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" under the water tower in Northbrook, IL, that was painted with "Save Ferris!" for the movie. John Hughes will be there, although no Q&A is mentioned; however, there is an "80s prom night" and people are encouraged to wear vintage outfits.
3)an August 20th screening of "Raising Arizona" in Apache Junction, AZ. Apparently Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter are too big and important to show up, so instead NetFlix is hosting a Nathan Jr. Scavanger Hunt, with the grand prize being a vintage Airstream trailor like the one in the movie.